Feet of Clay_An Urban Fantasy Novel Read online

  “We’re truly fucked,” I said, deciding to make my thoughts plain. Hell, maybe I was wrong, and one of them would tell me so, but I wasn’t counting on it.

  Gabby’s eyes narrowed, but her focus remained on the seemingly identical hallway ahead. “We’re doing all right so far and we’re so close.” She let out a harsh sigh between her teeth. “Besides, it’s not like we have any other choices. We need to get Max, so we need to get to Earth and so–”

  “Yeah, stables, I know.” I slid the magazine out and counted the bullets for the third time. Nervous habit of mine. “It still doesn’t change my statement. You wait and see.”

  Play-Doh squared his shoulders. “Frank Butcher, if you are correct, we will not be alive to see or to care.”

  I slammed the magazine home. Only three bullets left. “Don’t worry, Clayface, I’ll make sure to tell you ‘I told you so’ in the afterlife.” I laughed, because Momma Butcher always said it was better to laugh in the face of danger than cry into your beer.

  Outside of the clomping of our own feet echoing in the halls, silence reigned. Though I was a cynical pessimist, my brain was still trying to think of a way out of this. That was the other thing Momma Butcher always told her sons. There was always a way out of any situation. Sure, sometimes it was being dragged out in a body bag, but I was hoping to skip that particular outcome if I could.

  I found myself walking into Abner who had been leading the way (I approved of having a bullet-proof slab taking point) as Pottery Barn abruptly came to a full stop.

  “What the hell, man?” I growled as I peeled myself off of his backside.

  “Watch your tongue and tone,” he rumbled in hollow reply. “Much to my surprise, we have arrived at the stables. Much to my regret, I fear it is the end of our trek in more ways than one.”

  Gabriela had been right behind me and, instead of turning this into a comedy pile-up, had avoided crashing into me. Peeking around his slab of a body, she let out a faint gasp. “Spirits above.”

  Not liking the sound of any of this, I took my own look, sticking my head out around Abner’s side. Now, I knew I had called it before, but even my personal vision of doom couldn’t quite contend with what spread before us.

  Even if I hadn’t been told, I’d have known the massive doors at the end of the hallway were something special because they were totally different from all the others. Even the hallway leading toward them was different. It widened out significantly to accommodate the double doors framed in coppery metal with large flecks of gold. The main body of each looked like it had been carved of the diamonds native to Structured. Though imposing and impressing, and several other appropriately awesome adjectives, those doors weren’t the cause for general alarm.

  No, that was all reserved for the death squad arrayed before said doors. So far, things had been normalish in terms of the opposition. Sure, the plague doctor’s floaty surgery arms had been odd and I’d never take chainmail into a gunfight, but it was understandable considering the general anachronistic vibe of the White. This was where things went truly into the Twilight Zone.

  This time, those knightly guys had taken the time to fill the hallway with chest-high stone embankments. Their defensive wall was split into three sections, each topped by a gun I could only liken to a Gatling spear gun. Those contraptions of brass-and-steel had more barrels than I could count. A glinting point stuck out from each one. But wait kids, that’s not all!

  Sitting in eerie, almost robotic stillness behind that formidable front line was a group of, well, crystals. Okay, that’s a horrible description, but that was my first thought. Maybe the better way to put it into words was to say they were crystal animals, but that doesn’t quite do it justice either. I mean, they didn’t have faces or heads or eyes or anything, but these things had a certain frightening savagery to them.

  Their bodies and limbs looked like they were made from the same flawless stones as the diamond mountains outside. As they paced in a perfect rectangular path, the facets of the diamonds flowed and shifted like liquid crystal.

  It was freaky as fuck, and to make matters worse, the prospect of anything short of, a Davy Crockett (also known as the M-28 tactical nuclear recoilless gun, an insane wonder of the Cold War) doing more than scratching their diamond finish was enough to make me want to go have a good cry in a corner.

  “I told you we were fucked.” The words had scarcely left my lips when the weapons trained on us with machine-like efficiency.

  As the crystals continued their strange circuit, I was somewhat surprised we weren’t simply spear-inated off the face of Structured.

  We stood like that for a good long while, the silence growing heavier and heavier, and as I rubbed my sweaty palms on my pants, I realized why. Everyone had been waiting for my favorite backstabbing lead wizard, Roland Lambert, to appear in his usual Force ghost projection. It wasn’t surprising in retrospect. After all, he had never had the guts to meet me face-to-face before, why would he break protocol now?

  “Now, if we have had enough of the rampant bloodshed, let us talk like civilized beings.” Rollie sounded a bit perturbed, like an aging college professor chastising a couple of drunken frat boys, so, yeah, that was basically a hardcore fantasy version of Animal House.

  “So basically we both stop trying to kill each other to discuss a kindlier, gentler form of murder?” I shouted, unable to keep the annoyance out of my voice. “Come on, Gandalf, we know this is ending in a whole heap of violence.”

  “We both know Frank’s right. You have no intention of letting us out of here,” Gabriela added, showing ten million pounds of guts by stepping past Abner’s huge form and into the open. I’ll be honest, I nearly grabbed her and pulled her back to safety. I didn’t because I suspected she had a plan, but it was a near thing, let me tell you. Besides, it wouldn’t matter if they decided to attack. There was no getting away from this, there was only dying and in that particular scenario, there wouldn’t even be much of a time lag between first, second, and last.

  “It’s a good thing you didn’t bet your life on that.” Roland clucked his tongue. “You’d both be wrong if that were the case. Not that there won’t be certain … concessions to be made, but I assure you there is a chance for most of you to step away from this relatively unscathed.” He folded his spectral arms behind his back. “You know this must be the truth.” His eyes sparkled like Emperor Palpatine urging on poor Anakin. “My curse remains, I cannot lie.”

  Desperate for a way out, any way out, I tried to focus on la Corazon and, like an eager lover, it snapped to, revealing the threads of magic to me. “As we’re being all friendly right now, I have to say, for a guy who can’t lie, you do an awful lot of shady shit. You’d think stabbing us in the back would be classified as a pretty big lie.” I had a hunch, you see, but I had to keep the asshat talking while I sussed it out.

  The funny thing is I think Abner had some clue to what I was doing because he took a subtle (for him) step in front of me, which kept me concealed from the guys and their diamond dogs.

  Rollie didn’t seem to notice either, probably because he was too busy enjoying his own sense of smug satisfaction. “Truth is defined at the moment of its utterance, Mr. Butcher. The simple fact is that when I made those assurances to you I intended to keep my word to the fullest.” He shrugged. “Surely you recognize the folly of trying to hold someone accountable when circumstances change.”

  Before I could call Lambert down on that monumental pile of bullshit, Gabby must have reached her last straw because she chose that moment to lunge toward Mr. Biggest Dick in the Multiverse. Fortunately for her, Abner caught her before she could. I say fortunately because the moment she’d moved, those diamond dogs had fixed her with hungry stares, well, an eyeless, faceless equivalent at any rate. They were just waiting for us to get close. “You asshole! By the Sunken City, I swear you’re going to get every bit of karmic justice you have coming, Roland!”

  “You disappoint me, Gabriela.” Lambert
didn’t seem to take much stock in the threat, which I classified at the time as a "Big Mistake.” Rollie hadn’t taken Gabriela seriously before, but you’d think after she got into the Ender’s super-guarded base on her own with less fuss than his best badasses, he’d learn to take anything coming out of her mouth as fucking fact. “You know the importance of our work and yet you still wish to stand in its way.”

  “Your work, Roland. I could never condone something that would endanger my son!” Her lips curled into a pissed off sneer I hoped was never directed at me. “Nothing is worth putting Max in danger.”

  As Gabby continued to fume, I busied myself with the threads of magic around us. It was hard to pick up all the individual patches and weaves in the air, what with so many wizards and spells already in place, but after only a few moments I found what I was looking for. Like I’d mentioned before, the very stones of this castle or palace or whatever-the-fuck was woven with all manner of magic. Some of it was probably unimportant, but I was willing to bet dollars-to-donuts (and I love me some jelly-filled) there was a lot of vital magic holding this place together.

  Roland cleared his throat. “We can discuss philosophy and its application later, Doctor. What is important now is for you to know what is at immediate stake.” He paced, well, float-paced at any rate. “Despite this sudden treachery, we would much prefer to have you in the fold, Abner. As for you, Gabriela, you are too brilliant a mind to snuff out, though obviously we will have to keep you under arrest for some time.”

  I almost had this figured out, but I needed a little more time, and now Rollie was looking at me. Well, it was time to give him the Frank Butcher special, stalling for more time (It works great on my landlord, at least). “What about me, Rollie? Do I get a nice room right up until you decide to cut out my still-beating heart or are you going to cut to the chase?”

  “You may be ill-mannered, Frank, but you show once again you aren’t a total idiot.” Roland shook his head. “You are far too disruptive to be allowed control over something so powerful. It is with great regret I tell you, we must find another host for la Corazon.” He put on a front of a smile, but I could see the venom behind it. “If you’re thinking about fighting against the inevitable, I would caution you to remember your family. If you surrender yourself, your sacrifice would no doubt ensure the safety of your mother.” His teeth flashed as he met my eyes. “It would be unfortunate if something were to happen to her.”

  Gabriela froze at the very mention of my mother, knowing a glowing red eruption of molten anger was about to spout from Mount Butcher. If there’s one thing Frank Butcher holds onto, honors above all else, it’s family. In other words, you don’t fuck with my momma!

  To everyone’s momentary surprise, I didn’t erupt. Instead, I smiled. It was a broad, toothy, “fuck-you” kind of smile, my impressive chin jutting out.

  “Yeah, Rollie, I would sure like to ensure Mom’s safety.” I think he figured out he’d done fucked up at that point from the shift in his spectral eyes. It was too late though. I lashed both arms out through the air, fingers snaring into those all-important structural threads.

  This place was coming the fuck down. I might kill myself from the strain of pulling it down, but I trusted Abner and Gabby were both smart and tough enough to survive the collapse and save Max and Mom both.

  What I didn’t expect was how easy it was to break down the walls. Oh, sure, la Corazon slammed around my chest cavity like a concrete basketball. It hurt like holy Hell, but I was far, FAR too pissed off to pay it any mind. As my fingers sliced through all of that magic, I could taste golden blood in my mouth. The stones split like tissue paper and a tremendous roar echoed through the entire hallway.

  Guards panicked and fled, while the walking crystals hunkered down, tucking their appendages beneath their bodies to weather the rain of stones and debris breaking free from the ceiling. I turned, almost falling over, to tell Abner to get Gabriela out of here, but before I could, the doc caught me by the lapels of my stupid stolen tunic and dragged me beneath Abner’s clay form. The big lug threw his arms around us, almost smothering us against his earthy body, and then shit got real dark and very, very loud.

  6

  I never completely lost consciousness (maybe the heart hadn’t fucked up my insides as badly as it’d felt like it had), but things got pretty hazy. Being smashed under a giant clay blanket with the space around us covered by stone and wood debris didn’t help either. Not that I could see any of that anyway. It was dark as fuck, making this some claustrophobic shit.

  The anger that had fueled this little hissy fit of destruction was long gone, and frankly, I would have been happy to close my eyes and pass on into that quiet night. The only thing that kept me in the here and now was Gabriela. Sure, her warmth pressed against me helped some, if you know what I mean, but it was her voice, strained from a combination of pain, worry, and fear that kept me from completely losing it.

  “Come on, Frank, stay with me here.” Her breath was hot on my neck as she spoke, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t cause little tingles to ripple across my skin.

  I focused on her voice and as I did, I realized we hadn’t been smashed into pancakes. Somehow Abner was really living up to that big, clay Hulk image, his arms like pillars giving us just a hint of space. Not that this would save us in the long run. We were still in the pitch dark and there would be precious little air in this space to breathe. Still, that was the least of my concerns because it was getting cold. Fast.

  Keeping my teeth from chattering, I said, “Fuck, I’m sorry, Gabby. I think I fucked us even worse than–”

  “We’re not dead yet, and we were definitely going to die if you didn’t do that.” Our little crawlspace lit up with a faint white glow as the doc whispered a brief incantation.

  Sadly, it didn’t reveal anything I couldn’t have already guessed. We were in a tight little space with wreckage filling in the gaps around Abner’s clay body. The big lug’s robes were torn and dirty, revealing deep gouges ripped into his blood-red torso. Frankly, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure he wasn’t dead, or whatever you call a golem when it stops moving.

  Gabriela was in slightly better condition. Even with our big walking wall, she had been peppered with smaller debris. Her white dress was mostly slate-gray now, and she had a dozen minor cuts and scrapes, including a nasty one on her cheek. I could only guess I looked at least as bad, if not worse.

  My chest ached horribly, and my lungs itched and burned from the dust in the stale air. “Yeah, but it looks like we’re going to end up dead anyway.” I turned my head toward Abner. “Hey, big guy, you still with us?”

  He didn’t answer for so long, I was certain he had bought the big one. When his head shifted slightly, sending dust and shards dripping down on us, I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. I wasn’t sure why I cared so much about him, especially since I’d witnessed him go into a full blown rage-fueled killing spree, but I was. “For now, I endure. I do beseech you both to figure a way out of this situation for your own sakes. If the lack of air does not kill you, the cold atmosphere of the Structure certainly will.”

  He was right about the cold, for sure. The shivers were setting in with a vengeance. What warmth had been trapped in our little pocket was going away fast. I wasn’t sure if it’d kill us before we ran out of air, but I didn’t really want to find out.

  Of course, getting out from under the rubble was only the first step, but if I freaked the fuck out thinking about half the shit I did, I wouldn’t step one foot outside my apartment door. Life had been a hell of a lot safer sitting there, enjoying the Collection. It had been simpler too, enjoying my dragon’s horde of movies and music, classics culled and collected over the years. Still, honestly, it was better at this point to be living out a fantasy than stuck watching it on film.

  “Ideas?” I said, hoping Gabriela had one, because I had a big old bag of “nopes” sitting around. As I mentioned before, I had two big things to
bring to the team: guns and snuffing magic. My Beretta wasn’t going to do shit, and I had already taken care of all the magic.

  “I am at the limits of my prowess to keep this small sanctuary secure. There is no more I can do until we are freed, other than say our prison is unusually shallow given what should lay above us. Otherwise we would already be destroyed.” Though the golem didn’t betray a hint of weakness in his form or in his voice, there was a certain hollow finality to his words.

  Gabriela’s brow furrowed. There was something starting to whip up in that brilliant mind of hers. “Then there’s something you can do once we are free?”

  “If Yahweh rescues us from beneath this debris, I know of a way to save you both from the elements that will assail you,” he rumbled. “Hopefully for long enough to find a diammal large enough to take us the rest of the way.”

  Now, I’m no genius, but I’m no idiot either. “Diammals are those crystal dog-things the guards had, right? I don’t see how the fuck that’ll help.”

  “They are and they can, Frank.” Gabby pressed a hand onto my shoulder, which certainly made the current situation seem a smidge brighter. “We don’t have the air to explain, but trust me.”

  “You know I do, Doc.” Fucking truth. “You’ve got a plan, don’t you?” My teeth were chattering and frost was starting to creep over the stones around us.

  “I’ve got three spells left and two of them might work.” She didn’t look sure, but those green eyes hardened. Determined Mom Mode activated! “It’s our only shot.”

  Oh, yeah, we were totally going to die. I couldn’t help thinking it, but I sure as fuck wasn’t going to show it. “What do I need to do?” I said, flashing my patented cocky grin even though I wasn’t sure she could see it.